Kieran Highsmith, Program Associate at Pasadena Village, organized an evening of mocktails and a movie. She selected “Will & Harper,” the documentary by Will Ferrell and his best friend, Harper, a trans woman.

In this film, Will has just recently learned about Harper’s coming out as a transgender woman. Their friendship goes back to when they met while working on Saturday Night Live where Harper became the head writer for the show. Will decided to fly from LA to New York to be with his friend. During this visit they decide to make a cross country road trip together to get to know each other in different circumstances, as well as for Harper to sort of “test drive” her new life in the country she loves.

Of course, there were challenges along the way due to Harper experiencing the world through a woman’s body and the world experiencing a transgender woman. Most of all, the trip was a rich personal discovery for both of them.

This event was open to all, Villagers and the community at large. The San Gabriel Valley LGBTQ+ Center Senior Coffee Chat group also received a special invitation to join us. The evening was a mix of schmoozing and meeting new people with excellent mocktails created by Erin Wolford, our Volunteer Coordinator’s wife and former bartender and delicious snacks.

After a short time of sipping and schmoozing, we sat down to screen the film. While the topic is one of deep emotion and serious considerations, it was sprinkled liberally with humor from both Will and Harper. For me it was particularly profound in that I felt like I got a glimpse inside someone with gender dysphoria, the emotional distress a person feels when their inner gender identity doesn’t match the sex they were assigned at birth.

The entire audience was riveted on the film, laughing at the humor, sighing and perhaps even weeping at the painful moments when Harper expressed the agony she felt for most of her life. Will’s unwavering trust in his dear friend of many years was beautiful.

When the film was over, people lingered to remark on the truthfulness of the documentary and the completely open dialogue.There was a sense of unity in the group, and it was deeply moving for everyone. A young woman who attended the screening told me, “I learned about the event through the JRP [Jericho Road Pasadena] newsletter. Since I hadn’t seen the film, I was really excited to have a chance to and that I would be spending time with elders in our community was a bonus. What I didn’t expect was how much it meant to watch that film with other people who were not silent when the emotional moments rose up. To hear people’s joyful and pained reactions which mirrored my feelings was a really nice feeling of togetherness. Plus everyone was so kind and welcoming to me.”

Lawrence Yu attended this screening with his partner Patrick Oliva. He told me, “To me the film illustrated that the deep connection and love between true friends is no less strong than the love for family and one's spouse/partner.”

Many years ago I met a trans woman when she started attending my church. I wish I could have had the knowledge and compassion to have engaged her more during what had to be a difficult “coming out.” A film like “Will and Harper” shows us the way.

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