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Blog archive

October 2024

ARBORIST WALK: NOT FOR TREE HUGGERS ONLY!
10/29/2024

Bill Wishner: Visual Hunter
10/29/2024

Can a Village Group Fix Our Healthcare System?
10/29/2024

Community Board Directors Strengthen Village Board
10/29/2024

Connecting with Village Connections: The A, B, C, & D’s of Medicare @ 65+
10/29/2024

Grief is a Journey: Two Paths Taken
10/29/2024

Message from the President
10/29/2024

Promoting Informed & Involved Voters
10/29/2024

What Will Be Your Legacy?
10/29/2024

1619, Approaching the Election...
10/27/2024

Beyond and Within the Village - A Star is Born
10/17/2024

Happiness by Priscilla Leonard
10/11/2024

Those Winter Sundays by Robert Hayden
10/11/2024

Unpainted Door by Louise Gluck
10/11/2024

In the Evening by Billy Collins
10/10/2024

Wild Geese by Mary Oliver
10/10/2024

Betty Kilby, A Family History
10/01/2024

Betty Kilby, A Family History
10/01/2024

Betty Kilby, A Family History
10/01/2024

September 2024

August 2024

1619 Wide Ranging Interests
08/19/2024

1619 Wide Ranging Interests
08/19/2024

First Anniversary
08/19/2024

Alexandra Leaving by Leonard Cohen
08/16/2024

Muse des Beaux Arts by W. H. Auden
08/16/2024

The God Abandons Antony by Constantinos P. Cavafy
08/16/2024

Ch – Ch – Ch –Changes
08/15/2024

Cultural Activities Team offers an ‘embarrassment of riches’
08/15/2024

Engaging in Pasadena Village
08/15/2024

Future Housing Options
08/15/2024

Message from the President
08/15/2024

There Are Authors Among Us
08/15/2024

Villagers Welcome New Members at the Tournament Park Picnic
08/15/2024

Do Not Go Gentle Into That Good Night by Dylan Thomas
08/14/2024

A narrow Fellow in the Grass by Emily Dickinson
08/13/2024

Haikus
08/13/2024

One Art by Elizabeth Bishop
08/13/2024

Poem 20 by Pablo Neruda
08/13/2024

Still I Rise by Maya Angelou
08/13/2024

Trees by Joyce Kilmer
08/13/2024

July 2024

June 2024

May 2024

Emergency Preparedness: Are You Ready?
05/28/2024

Farewell from the 2023/24 Social Work Interns
05/28/2024

Gina on the Horizon
05/28/2024

Mark Your Calendars for the Healthy Aging Research California Virtual Summit
05/28/2024

Meet Our New Development Associate
05/28/2024

Putting the Strategic Plan into Practice
05/28/2024

Washington Park: Pasadena’s Rediscovered Gem
05/28/2024

Introducing Civil Rights Discussions
05/22/2024

Rumor of Humor #2416
05/14/2024

Rumor of Humor #2417
05/14/2024

Rumor of Humor #2417
05/14/2024

Rumor of Humor #2418
05/14/2024

Springtime Visitors
05/07/2024

Freezing for a Good Cause – Credit, That Is
05/02/2024

No Discussion Meeting on May 3rd
05/02/2024

An Apparently Normal Person Author Presentation and Book-signing
05/01/2024

Flintridge Center: Pasadena Village’s Neighbor That Changes Lives
05/01/2024

Pasadena Celebrates Older Americans Month 2024
05/01/2024

The 2024 Pasadena Village Volunteer Appreciation Lunch
05/01/2024

Woman of the Year: Katy Townsend
05/01/2024

April 2024

March 2024

February 2024

January 2024

Caring for Ourselves and Each Other

By Claire Gorfinkel
Posted: 02/27/2024
Tags: care team, claire gorfinkel

Can you help me with something? I wonder how you react to this question. I know for many of us, it is an energizer. Both our enthusiasm and our anxiety may be aroused. We become poised for the succeeding question, wondering what we will be asked to do.

For many years I led workshops which included what I called “An Exercise in Asking for Help.”  People paired off. One had to ask the other for help with something. It could be something they really needed, or something they made up. But the respondent had to answer honestly, from the heart: “I’d love to help you with that …” or “I couldn’t possibly do that, but I know someone who could ...” or “I need to know more about what you need …” or whatever. When the whole group came back together, I asked “What did it feel like to ask another person to help you?” and most people said it made them fairly uncomfortable. Asking another, even a friend, for help was awkward, made them feel vulnerable.

But then I asked the group: “What did it feel like to be asked?” and their answers surprised them.  “I loved it!”  “It made me feel so good to think I could be useful.”  “I was ready to dig right in.”  “She made me feel like I could make a difference!”  “This could be the start of a whole new relationship!”

All too often we see this dilemma at the Village. Someone — or their partner — has just come home from the hospital. Another has recently endured a loss. Many are working long hours as the caregiver for a loved one. Some are gradually recovering following rehab. Some are simply lonely and seeking connection. Others are looking for resources in anticipation of an upcoming medical diagnosis or treatment. But they just don’t want to ask for help. I don’t want to be a bother. We have been conditioned to assert our independence: “I can do it myself.”  We fear our needs will be too much, or admitting vulnerability will make us break down. It’s all I can do to hold on here!

How can the Village help? Village volunteers (who, by the way, really want to be of help) will happily provide an occasional meal, in-person visits or phone calls, a listening ear, some respite, a ride, a walk, an invitation to a Village event, a referral to someone else who has been through your diagnosis, treatment, situation, or knows about home care agencies, or hospice, a card, some cookies … what is it that you need?

We are here to support one another. We are here to build community, to combat loneliness, to have fun and interesting times together, to build friendships that will help sustain us when things get tough.

But we can’t do it if you don’t tell us what you want or need! 

How can we all remember what a delight it is to be asked for help? I urge you to think about how much you, and others, love to be asked for advice, love to be asked for assistance, love to feel useful and needed. Your need can bring joy and satisfaction to someone else.

Villagers, you can call the Village office, or a member of the Care Team (ask the Village staff for names of Care Team members), tell your neighborhood group or walking buddy. Let us know. Let us care for you. I think you’ll be glad — and relieved — that you did . . . without a doubt, the person asked will feel needed and appreciated.

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