Blog archive
April 2024
Stimulated by "Caste"
04/22/2024
Tulsa reparations, Religion and Politics
04/09/2024
March 2024
Trumps War with Black Women
03/31/2024
Addressing The Needs of Older Adults Through Pasadena Village
03/25/2024
Coming Soon: More Resources for Older Americans, Online and in Person
03/25/2024
Community Building Locally and Nationally
03/25/2024
Preparing for the Future with Ready or Not
03/25/2024
Volunteering is at The Heart of the Village
03/25/2024
Women's Liberation: Then and Now
03/25/2024
Writing Memoirs Together
03/25/2024
Current Views on Current Events
03/20/2024
Unchained
03/18/2024
Rumr of Humor issue # 2409
03/10/2024
Blacks Portrayed by European Artists
03/03/2024
Rumor of Humor #2408
03/03/2024
February 2024
Caring for Ourselves and Each Other
02/27/2024
Doug Colliflower Honored
02/27/2024
Great Decisions Connects Us to the Worldwide Community
02/27/2024
Letter from the President
02/27/2024
Pasadena Village's Impact
02/27/2024
The Power of Touch
02/27/2024
Villages as a New Approach to Aging
02/27/2024
Addressing Gang Violence in Pasadena-Altadena
02/21/2024
Rumor of Humor Issue 2407
02/19/2024
Thank You For Caring.
02/12/2024
Rumor of Humor 2405
02/11/2024
Curve Balls
02/10/2024
Sylvan Lane
02/10/2024
Rumor of Humor 2404
02/09/2024
Larry Duplechan, Blacks in Film
02/03/2024
January 2024
Pasadena Village Joins Community Partners in Vaccination Campaign
01/29/2024
Rumor of Humor #2403
01/28/2024
Pasadena Village Joins Two Healthy Aging Resource Projects
01/25/2024
Decluttering: Do It Now
01/24/2024
Village Volunteers Contribute to the Huntington Magic
01/24/2024
Villagers Creating Community
01/24/2024
Villagers Reflect on Black History Month
01/24/2024
Walk With Ease, 2024
01/24/2024
Wide Ranging Discussion on Current Issues
01/22/2024
Wide Ranging Discussion on Current Issues
01/22/2024
Rumor of Humor # 2402
01/21/2024
Rumor of Humor # 2401
01/15/2024
Re- Entry Programs, a Personal Experience
01/08/2024
Caring for Ourselves and Each Other
By Claire GorfinkelPosted: 02/27/2024
Can you help me with something? I wonder how you react to this question. I know for many of us, it is an energizer. Both our enthusiasm and our anxiety may be aroused. We become poised for the succeeding question, wondering what we will be asked to do.
For many years I led workshops which included what I called “An Exercise in Asking for Help.” People paired off. One had to ask the other for help with something. It could be something they really needed, or something they made up. But the respondent had to answer honestly, from the heart: “I’d love to help you with that …” or “I couldn’t possibly do that, but I know someone who could ...” or “I need to know more about what you need …” or whatever. When the whole group came back together, I asked “What did it feel like to ask another person to help you?” and most people said it made them fairly uncomfortable. Asking another, even a friend, for help was awkward, made them feel vulnerable.
But then I asked the group: “What did it feel like to be asked?” and their answers surprised them. “I loved it!” “It made me feel so good to think I could be useful.” “I was ready to dig right in.” “She made me feel like I could make a difference!” “This could be the start of a whole new relationship!”
All too often we see this dilemma at the Village. Someone — or their partner — has just come home from the hospital. Another has recently endured a loss. Many are working long hours as the caregiver for a loved one. Some are gradually recovering following rehab. Some are simply lonely and seeking connection. Others are looking for resources in anticipation of an upcoming medical diagnosis or treatment. But they just don’t want to ask for help. I don’t want to be a bother. We have been conditioned to assert our independence: “I can do it myself.” We fear our needs will be too much, or admitting vulnerability will make us break down. It’s all I can do to hold on here!
How can the Village help? Village volunteers (who, by the way, really want to be of help) will happily provide an occasional meal, in-person visits or phone calls, a listening ear, some respite, a ride, a walk, an invitation to a Village event, a referral to someone else who has been through your diagnosis, treatment, situation, or knows about home care agencies, or hospice, a card, some cookies … what is it that you need?
We are here to support one another. We are here to build community, to combat loneliness, to have fun and interesting times together, to build friendships that will help sustain us when things get tough.
But we can’t do it if you don’t tell us what you want or need!
How can we all remember what a delight it is to be asked for help? I urge you to think about how much you, and others, love to be asked for advice, love to be asked for assistance, love to feel useful and needed. Your need can bring joy and satisfaction to someone else.
Villagers, you can call the Village office, or a member of the Care Team (ask the Village staff for names of Care Team members), tell your neighborhood group or walking buddy. Let us know. Let us care for you. I think you’ll be glad — and relieved — that you did . . . without a doubt, the person asked will feel needed and appreciated.