January 2026

Undue Influence: Keep your friends close and your enemies closer

By Sue Addelson
Posted: 05/30/2025

The phrase "Keep your friends close and your enemies closer” warns us that, while it’s important to maintain friendships, we also need to keep tabs on anyone who might harm us. 

This phrase came to mind when I attended to the “Undue Influence” presentation offered by the Education Team in April, though with a very different interpretation. One of the key takeaways from the presentation is that sometimes the person you think is your friend is actually the one harming you.

Nolan Arcos, an elder law attorney with Lagerlof Lawyers LLP and a Village Board member, laid out the facts of undue influence: how to identify it and how to protect against it. He was joined on the Zoom by Dr. Theresa Wong, whose primary care practice, W Geriatics, treats adults aged 60-plus. Dr. Wong explained medical undue influence, which happens when the victim is either physically or mentally medically compromised.

Nolan and Dr. Wong explained that undue influence is when someone uses their power over you to get you to do something against your wishes—in most cases with your finances. Typically, the victim is dependent on this person for some or all of their care and well-being. The victim could be physically fine, but mentally compromised. Or mentally strong, but physically impaired. Sudden events, such as a fire or death in the family, can also make a person vulnerable to undue influence. 

The “someone” is usually someone they are close to; someone they trust and depend on. Too often it’s a family member—child, sibling, or even spouse—or a caregiver or friend, though it can also be someone who has a professional relationship, such as accountant or banker.

Think it couldn’t happen to you or your loved ones? Think again! Wayne April, who was a social worker at Kaiser for many years, shared his experiences helping patients get cognitive tests, which can be extremely helpful in cases of undue influence.

A surprising number of other Villagers on the call shared their stories of undue influence that happened to a friend or family member.  Karen Bagnard watched it happen to her aunt and uncle. The family realized it was a bad situation. Karen took all the right steps to try to intervene and get the influencer out of the picture. It turned into a bitter battle, as is so often the case. “The money is nothing compared to the emotional damage that is done,” she told the group.  Betty Ann Jansson shared two stories of friends whose fell victim to an influencer. Barbara Madden also had a friend who came very close to changing her will at the pressure of someone she trusted. 

Nolan closed with strategies people can take to help prevent undue influence. One is to have a good estate plan, regardless of your financial status. Another is to check up on friends and family members. Isolation, he says, definitely makes a person more vulnerable. 

Watch the calendar for future Education Team programs. Watch previous ones here.